Off The Fairway
By Anonymous

Submitted by one of our viewers:

WHO SAID GOLF IS COMPLICATED?

Once a player has mastered the grip and stance, all he has to bear in mind, in the brief two-second interval it takes to swing, is to keep his left elbow pointed in toward the left hip and his right arm loose and closer to the body than the left and take the club head past his right knee and then break the wrists at just the right instant while the left arm is still traveling straight back from the ball and the right arm stays glued to the body and the hips come around in a perfect circle and meanwhile everything is mucked up unless the weight is 60 percent on the left foot and 40 percent on the right - not an ounce more or less - and at just the right point in the turn the left knee bends in toward the right in a dragging motion until the left heel comes off the ground but not too far and be sure the hands are over the right foot but not on the toe more than the heel except that the left side of the right foot is tilted off the ground - but not too far - and be sure the hands at the top of the swing are high and the shaft points along a line parallel with the ground and if it’s a downhill lie the shaft is supposed to be pointed downhill too and pause at the top of the swing and count one, jerk the left arm
straight down like a bell-ringer yanking a belfry rope and don't unlock the wrists too soon and pull the left hip around in a circle but don't let the shoulders turn with the hips - they have to be facing the hole and now transfer the weight 60 percent to the right foot and 40 percent to the left - not an ounce more or less - and tilt the left foot and 40 percent to the right - not an ounce more of less - and
tilt the left foot now so the right side of it is straight (that's the one you hit against) watch out for the left hand, it's supposed to be
extended, but not too stiff or the shot won't go anywhere and don't let it get loose or you will hook, then let the wrists unlock but
don't force them or you'll smother the shot and don't break too soon but keep your head down and hit the ball!

THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!!..
Unless you move your head......then you're screwed!
Anonymous